Hemant over at Friendly Atheist.com pointed out an interesting bit of text in Dan Barker's new book regarding how friendships can change when people change their beliefs about things. Barker specifically was talking about how when he gave up his religious beliefs he lost many friends in the process but found that the relationships that stayed true showed the difference between conditional friendship and mutual admiration.

Dan encourages all of us to consider what our friendships are built upon, saying "this is a great way to test your friendships. Imagine doing this yourself. If you are an atheist, try telling your friends that you have become a born-again preacher. If you are a lifelong Republican, announce that you have switched parties. How many of your “friends” would stay your friends?"

He goes on to say that some friendships would undoubtedly remain, even if they did not share your new convictions because the friendship was built on more than "belonging to the same club, faction, philosophy or religion" and that "as soon as that external link disappears, so does that artificial bond that brings you together." If the relationship is built on more than sameness, your friendship remains on the principles of mutual admiration of each other for who they are as people, and that respect for freedom of choice remains as the stable force which strengthens the relationship and bonds people together in friendship.

So naturally, after reading this I thought to myself, would any of my friends leave me behind if I converted to Christianity or perhaps took up the Republican cause? I thought for a long time, thinking specifically about what might change and I found that though many of my friendships would probably have to adapt and change a bit to handle the sudden shift, I could not think of one person who I felt would no longer call me a friend if such a thing were to happen. Might there be some strain on the relationship? Sure, but I could not imagine any of them being anything less than the wonderful caring friends they already are, and that's a great feeling.

As a life-long atheist I can only imagine what having "church friends" is like, though I wonder how many of these friendships exists solely on that "sameness" condition. I can't really speculate but it seems that (at least in the cases of atheists who leave churches) this sort of condition is very common and only reveals itself after it is lost. Friendships that found themselves based on just the shared religious beliefs of their church seem like a common thing to me, especially when that's the only time you see those other people. Are they real friendships? Maybe, perhaps instead of saying they aren't your real friends you'd say they're a "different kind of friend" but in the end I think a friend is someone who cares about you on a deeper level than shared beliefs, someone who will be there for you even if they disagree with something you think that may be very important to them. I have plenty of religious friends like that and I wonder how they feel about their friends who share their beliefs. Thoughts?

-Cailin